How do you know what to do? How do you know when to do whatever it is that you know you should do? And then, how do you know how to do whatever it is that you should do, when you know when you should do it?
There are no do-over's in life.
I am reminded of a story I read somewhere.
A long time ago, there lived a young man in a farming village. This young man was approaching the age where he was expected to take over his father's farm and start a family of his own. His parents were getting old and they were excited about their only son taking responsibility for not only his life, but the lives of everyone in the family.
The son also knew that his time to take his place was approaching, but there was a huge question that hovered over his head and stayed with him day and night. If he was to take over his father's farm, and start a family of his own, would he not have to choose his wife? Wouldn't a wife be necessary to start a family?
And so the young man kept his eyes open and tried to keep an open heart towards every girl that he knew. Some girls were already taken, others were not his type. But there was a girl that he had been close with for some time, since they were little kids. Was this the girl that the young man should marry? What would the girl say, if the young man asked?
So the young man brought the girl that he had been close with for some time to the lake where they often went to go for a swim in the summer or to fish when the weather was cooler. He brought her to the rock where they often sat and talked idly about this or that, but this time, he wanted to talk to her about serious things. They laid out a picnic to enjoy the sunshine and the cool breezes, but both knew inside their hearts that this wasn't going to be an easy conversation.
And after they had their meal and drink, they sat quietly, not really looking at each other.
The young man spoke first. "We've been friends for as long as I can remember. And we've been coming to this lake for longer than that." The young man paused for a bit, as if to wait for an answer. The girl did not respond; she knew better than to respond yet. After all, the young man never got to point directly when there was a difficult matter to discuss, and this was going to be one of those difficult conversations. The young man continued, "I always feel most at ease here. Here, on this rock, I can see into the past and remember, and I can see into the future and dream."
The girl was still quiet. She knew that the young man had something important to say. The young man shifted his weight and turned towards the fading sunlight, trying to gather the last bit of warmth before the sun went to bed for the night. The young man closed his eyes and sighed, "You and I, we aren't right for each other, are we?"
The girl said nothing. What could she say? If they were right for each other, wouldn't each of them know? And if they were right for each other, then why would he say the opposite? Besides, if she felt strongly the other way, then wouldn't she be objecting or feeling a strong sense one way or another? What the girl felt was.... relief? Something? Was there a pang of regret? The girl could not speak even if she wanted to say something, it was getting hard for her to breathe. She wanted to run away but her legs had no strength.
The young man opened his eyes and looked into the water. "You may be right for someone else. You may be right for me, but I guess, not right now. Or maybe I am the one who isn't right for you, or maybe I am not just smart enough to know what I should do. And maybe there is no right person, but who can say for sure." The young man closed his eyes, suddenly very tired...
...The young man opened his eyes, again, and two years had passed. He was on the rock alone this time, and he wondered what his life would have been, had he said things differently, or had he decided differently. The young man got up to leave. It was time to go back home to his wife, to his family, to his new life.
***
The moral of the story is that sometimes there are no right or wrong answers. There are just decisions and consequences. What we make of those choices, how we choose to view the world, what we do thereafter, those are the things that make answers right or wrong, long after the fact.
We go through our lives having only partial answers to everything. We learn every day, but every day we find out how much we do not know. And we get paralyzed by indecision, by fear of the unknown.
But honestly, the decision to do is a lot easier to justify than the decision not to do.
-David
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