Eraser Crumbs

Sinning is a part of life. My life, anyway.

I do it as easily as I breathe, and as often as I breathe. Everything I do has some dark element to it, and I question all motives because there is nothing that can be pure that comes from me.

It is akin to walking on the beach in sneakers; no matter how carefully you walk, you will get sand on the inside rubbing against your skin. And then, later, when you shake out your sneakers, no matter how vigorously you shake, there will be sand remaining.

And this is how I feel these days, that I can never be clean. I feel weighed down with sin, and the fact remains that I am judged on this world by people who interact with me, and those judgments are based in part on my sinful self. If I am bitter or angry or resentful, then that side of me will color the perceptions and the judgments by those who view me, and so I am judged in my sin. I cannot escape myself, and I cannot escape judgment of those who interact with me.

God forgives, but the sin we hold inside remains tied to us while we are in this world, and those marks are indelible.

Jesus wipes away our sin, but we continue to sin, even as the eraser crumbs and marks are not yet swept away. Sort of like grass that grows so quickly that by the time you are done mowing, the first part of the lawn needs cutting again.

The end result, for those who are keeping score, is that it is as if the sin never left me, because the same sin that I was just forgiven for, I am still committing! Who can see the change, if no change is there.

It is a sad state of living, that the eraser crumbs of our sin are not yet even cleaned off of the page when we are back to our sinful lives. Or, rather, that the eraser crumbs of my sin are not yet cleaned off of the page when I am back to my sinful life.

And the comfort of knowing that my sins are forgiven is no comfort at all to me, because forgiveness is meaningless without change. Where is my change? How can I make my life more a testament to my faith, more a testament to my God? Where is the intent?

-David